Mar 24, 2008

隨處自在

咖啡尚未直達我的中樞神經,一旦開始作用,我的心神便飛往世界某各角落。
不再喝榛果拿鐵了,黑咖啡比較貼近真實生活,期待世界可以簡單化的一廂情願,終被定義為未經世事的單純。
Coffee doesn’t work yet, my mind will fly to a  corner of the world once my tongue recognizes the taste of coffee; Hazelnut latte is not my favorite any more, black coffee taking th e place, Not  cause I am stronger than before, just want to stop the game of fooling myself the world is as easy as I expect.

過去每當飛機降落中正機場,我總覺得從夢境又回到了真實世界,只有在台北,一切的哭和笑才顯得真實。或許這次旅程13個小時未闔眼,當我踏上台北的土地,依然覺得安荷芬的一切真實的無法拋開。
Back to reality , I can’t help feeling like this whenever my flight lands on C.K.S. airport.; it turned what happened in other lands like a dream, my real world only exists in Taipei. 13 hrs without closing my eyes, I confused the dream in Eindhoven with my real life in Taipei ; welcome back to another reality.

說不上台北哪裡好,說不上安荷芬哪裡差,不管你身在何處,生命都不會忘記將挑戰帶到你面前;突然覺得我的自我追尋已經進入到下一個階段,這一切再也不僅僅只關於我,我的眼睛開始看到那些我愛著卻受苦的人,自由飛翔不再是萬用鑰匙,只有牽著他們的手一起學習,一起成長,才能解開這被誤套的桎梏。
Hardly to compare what is better in Taipei, hardly to say what is worse in Eindhoven, life keeps bringing you challenge wherever you are; today something hits my mind, I gradually realize my challenge in searching myself has been in next stage, it is not only about me any more, now I have to open my eyes to see people around; the suffering of people I love, and learn to overcome the suffering together , grow up together.

得與失,生命試著讓一切公平,於是人們的意志主導了生命的方向。有人羨慕著在安荷芬的居遊生活,那似乎是個很酷的點子,然而,它真的「只是很酷」,該學的課程不會因為跑到天涯海角而跳級。對於台北,我過於熟悉到以至於厭倦了,再也沒什麼拿讓我張大好奇的眼睛,但我卻在一切的習慣中被圈養,無法斷奶。
Gain and loss, life makes itself fair enough, then people’s willing dominates the direction to go. Some people envy very much for my work in Eindhoven, it seems like a cool idea to work oversea, however, it is just COOL , then there are still the same lessons waiting to be learned. I felt bored of life in Taipei, I’ve been living in this city for 30 years, I know this city too much, it can’t surprise me any more, however, I am really get used to it.

開著車上下班,偶爾到高爾夫球場揮揮杆,下班後與朋友晚餐,在這忙碌的城市間穿梭,知道到哪P1130337裡獵食,知道如何將自己裝扮,悲傷時給A號碼牌陪我悲傷,開心時給B號碼牌陪我瘋狂,當我只想靜靜的享受一杯茶的沉默,C會出現在身邊等著我;當我不想人陪時,我靜靜坐在書店的某個角落,當我要對這個世界說話時,我在星巴克敲打我的電腦爬出一行行的文,這裡有隱形般讓我自在的家人,那是我透明卻又無法離開呼吸的空氣;我人在台北,我愛這樣的生活。
Driving to work , playing golf sometimes, having dinner with friends after work, hanging out in the busy city, I know where my food is, where to find my clothes; I know who is the right person to share sadness, who is the right person to share silly fun, who is the right person for just a cup of tea , then enjoy a piece of peace together. When I want to be alone, I sit in a corner of bookstore; when I want to write , I bring my laptop to Starbucks; there is also a family who I can treat them as transparent but fill in my life as the air to breath. —This is my life in Taipei, I love it.

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無壓的工作環境,間單的人際網路,一個人享受夜的靜謐,終於把注意力從電視抽開;那一道一道佳餚是我腦海裡的想像力的真實化,那一站站不同的風景是我未曾到過的世界;買了一大落香氛蠟燭,點亮後只剩荷蘭歌手的唱片在空氣中迴旋,開始自己洗衣拖地,像是灰姑娘等待白馬王子般苦中作樂,還好我的王子每晚在電話另一端聽我絮絮叨叨,在我快被黑夜吞沒時適時出現解救我。這是完全關於我的生活,所有的一切按著我的感覺安排,這裡的規矩,我訂。除了那間鬼屋似的房子以外,我想我願意付出那孤獨的代價去換取完全屬於我的生活。我在安荷芬,或許這樣的生活也不賴。
Relaxing working environment, simple community network, enjoy all the night with myself only, transfer focus from TV to my writing ; I make experiment on food , to see if it will be as yummy as my imagination ; I plan trip to places I’ve never been , to see if people’s face on the way will show me different world. I bought candles with different fragrance , light them up in a silent night, there is no one to share except the songs from a Dutch album; I do the laundry and cleaning by myself, , feel like Cinderella waiting for her prince’s rescue; fortunately my prince listens to me every night and shows up whenever I need .It is complete my life, only care about what I feel , what I desire to do , follow my intuition without any norm. Besides the haunted house I live, I think I can pay the price of loneliness to exchange absolutely my life. —-This is my life in Eindhoven , I might like it.

坦白說,我愛台北的生活多一些,但我卻需要一點點冒險為我的生命注入活力;有時我不禁懷疑,自己是否有能力在某個地方永遠定居,或是把自己的下半輩子交給一個人,因為無論我多愛一個地方、多愛一個人,過近的距離總讓我感覺窒息。但我不再像從前般掙扎不已了,我把命運放在上天的手上,看祂把我帶往哪,台北也可,安荷芬也罷,或者某一個未知的地方。
Frankly speaking, I like my life in Taipei more, but I need adventure to vitalize my life; sometimes I am wondering if I really can settle down in one place or marry to one person, no matter how much I love it, I feel chucky once it comes too close, however, I don’t struggle as before, I put my destiny in hands of God, to see where He send me to , then I settle down there, it could be Taipei, it could be Eindhoven, it could be anywhere.

人生無法比較,失去一些,便得到一些,我不再為身在何方而忐忑,我微微知悉,關在自己感覺中的挑戰已經過去了,我的感覺不再關於我自己,而是無數我愛的人,我們要一起打仗,我們習慣被感覺綁架,當這感覺來自於群體壓力時,再忽略一次棄械投降嗎?
There is nothing to compare ; you gain something, then you lose something; it can’t bother my any more for where I stay; Slightly I can sense my next task doesn’t allow me to hide in my own solitude any more, my challenge won’t be help myself only, it demands me to also help people I love. We are kidnapped by our feeling, once the feeling comes from the crowded, will we simply surrender ?

生命的下一頁,我正在打開。
Let’s see what is the next page !